Dare to Dream

Okay folks here it is October and as I look back through my running log and Facebook posts I realize that either I'm full of shit or maybe this injury is more stubborn than I ever could imagine. I have had some good days, some brief moments of speed and exhilaration. Moments when I have found myself wondering if the bad days were all behind me and the best was yet to be. I had a crazy dream that after 25 years of not running and then 2 years of some decent times, that I could be competitive in the half marathon in the masters group. This roller coaster ride has been emotionally exhausting and I now do not know what to think of my dream anymore. You don't know how often I have heard the crap about my age and how "we all get slower." I am not ready to concede, to start allowing my age to debilitate me without a fight. I know I'll never run a 15 minute 5k but I do still feel the speed in my legs and want to set PR's even if I am 50!
I didn't race much early on this season because I knew I was not ready. Now that I have done a few I can be honest it is not easy not winning some Mag 7 races. My friend Tim is running awesomely this year and I am so happy for him. He deserves it. And wow where did Oscar come from? How has he gotten so fast? I can't wait until I get married so my 5k times will get faster too. I haven't decided if going to races is more difficult or watching others race? This has been a long year. Still not much progress with the injury. I am second guessing everything of course and only time will tell if any of this has helped. I wish I could fast forward to next summer and see if I am healthy. If only I had a sign that I WILL be fit again. Some hope for the hopeless is what I need right now. Do I dare to dream that I can run again without pain, have fun and be faster? I don't like the other option of giving up, not running and buying golf clubs. Running is the one thing I'm good at, one thing I have a natural talent for, one thing has brought me joy and helped guide me through some rough patches. The thought of not having it at my becon call to use as I see fit scares me. I can tell you running brought me out of despair and gave me the confidence and discipline to think I could achieve anything I worked hard at. Running transformed my life and come what may will always be a significant part of me.
Whew! I feel so much better. Thanks for your patience. In summary: Achilles still hurts damn it and I know this road season has been a huge waste. I am looking to next year but feel I need yet another new plan (is this plan #9?). I want to log some miles this winter. Nothing too fast. Took last winter off and that rest did nothing to heal the Achilles. If(big if) foot problems get better would love to do Sarasota half again. We shall see. Anyone have any great ideas? I'm ready to get better.

What have I learned and other random thoughts

First let me say I ran 3 x 1/2 yesterday at Clear Creek. Maybe it was the cool temps, maybe it was the wind at my back, maybe it was that one run out of 20 that was great and I was due... but I ran each 1/2 at faster pace: 5:07 mile pace, 5:00 mile pace and ending the last 1/2 at 4:54 mile pace. Each felt easier and as usual when I run fast the heel or achilles did not hurt. I should cut out all easy runs and only run 2 fast workouts and one long run each week. Maybe this is the magic formula so that I can start racing again with this chronic tendonosis? Don't get me wrong Jeff my PT is still doing Graston and I SEE some progress, not sure I'm feelin the progress. It is September and the great races are beginning starting with B-foods this weekend. I can show up, run and go home with my head hung but why? "Age group winner" is not what I want or I would have been racing all year for 5 points a pop. I still feel fast and I am no where near allowing age to be an issue or excuse. Yes there are things that age does bring: longer recovery times, the need for more stretching, maybe fewer races, maybe even fewer beers or Five Guys burgers. I really should write more about this age thing and I will later.
So in summary, I ran okay in high school. Too many miles, average times but loved it. One year at BSU on XC team. Hated every moment of it. Again too many miles, always tired, partied too much and homesick. Got married, had child, graduated and quit running. Moved to Indy for job and started shaving my legs. Well bought a bike, watched the Tour de France and then started riding and shaving my legs. Loved it. I wasn't great at it but I could ride a few miles and it was exciting. Had a few nasty crashes that landed me in ER for some stitches (never wore helmet).  8 years and after grad school later moved to B-town and stopped riding. By this time had 3 boys, new job, no money and sat on my ass a lot. Tried to run from time to time, never felt the same so quit easily. Fast forward a few years...got divorced, met Amanda and soon she convinced me to run HOC after running around the block a few times. I was hooked again. Damn her. Started buying shoes (never stopped) and running. Seemed to quickly get fit and race times improved dramatically. I started to think I could be an elite masters runner. This would be so awesome. Last year had good year. Won some races, got top 3 lots, ran couple halves. Won Mag 7 for second year in row. All the while the achilles hurt. I thought it would get well with some winter rest. It did not. Started treatment. Got frustrated, changed doctors, I stretch now, ice all the time. If I could wear an ice boot I think that would simplify things. I get Graston weekly, even got fitted for orthotics that I cannot stand to wear so I don't. They seem so unnatural. Now here it is 4 days before B-foods 5K and I still run with pain, very few fast workouts under my belt, only 3 runs over 8 miles in past 3 months. I want to race and I want to be better. What have I learned?
I'm not sure. Seems as if the older I get the more I have learned that I don't know as much as I thought when I was younger. Or that there is so much to know and everyone has an opinion that isn't much better than my own. Does that make me wiser or dumber? I keep trying to eliminate what isn't working for me but that still has not left me with what does. Maybe this Graston thing will pay off months from now? I wish I could know now and I wish I knew I was on the right track and that there is no more I could be doing. I am now even considering what shoes could I buy to help? More shoes right?  I even attended  running form clinic last weekend lead by a Newton running guy. I did learn from that session that I am not coordinated, my balance is not good and it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks. So tomorrow another Graston session, more stretching, more icing, yada, yada, yada!

Black and Blue

Update time: had the third session of Graston today at Bone and Joint. Yes, I started Graston again. First round didn't take. This time I have already felt and seen the difference. Before I get into all that, I have lots of mixed feelings about running right now. Funny how the best summer I've had in years is the summer I have been injured and unable to train with intensity or race competitively. Amanda and I put the 5 bedroom house up for sale and moved to Lake Monroe! At the pool everyday working on the tan, lunch being delivered poolside, drinks served, followed by my daily run in 100 plus heat index! Love it. As usual it has gotten more tolerable, hot but still average 7:00-7:15 minutes on easy days and 6 minutes with a few 5:30's thrown in on days I'm testing out the achilles. Maybe I should feel okay about that considering the heat BUT the foot still hurts so it has not done much to lift my spirits. But the summer has been very nice, house will hopefully sell soon. Today was day one back at school and I survived, although it is much easier when students aren't there yet. Meanwhile, I started Graston at Bone and Joint. First session did some stretching, ultrasound, Graston and Cortisone patch to end on a good note. Also started anti-inflammatory. Not big on meds but this seems worth a try. At this point I could be convinced to take lots of meds if I thought it would help. Went home after session 1 and was so sore and black and blue I could not touch my calves!!!! The bruise was still fresh for session 2 which as you can imagine was not pleasant. I survived, lots of sweating and groaning but Jeff was very nice and always asked how I was doing or if I needed a break. Session 3 today. Still sore and got a new bruise to replace the one that was just vanishing. I am doing lots of stretching and icing. Got a new set of stretches to do today to work on my hip. I've got so many now to do each day, I may have to quit my job juts to have time to do them all. By the way, got orthotics that I should be getting used to but got to be honest I'm not excited about using them. I thought I would try them to see if my achlllees and heel would feel better. More to come on that later I guess.
I've done a few road races this year. Felt good during ONE back in April. The rest have been more like tempo runs by default. In September lots of good races so I am hoping to be ready soon to start doing some speedwork and the much-needed "long" run on the weekend. All my runs are 5-6 miles right now and I am not going to progress with that kind of mileage. Once I am not injured I have some new goals:
5k-16:35-40
10k-34:45
Half marathon-1:16:30

A bit ambitious at this point but I have no doubt that I can achieve this when I get well. My over 45PR's are already: 5k-16:48, 8k-27:21 and Half-1:19:54. My only 10k's have either been hilly or when I doubled races last year. Would really like to focus on longer races, really like 15k, 10 mile and Half distances. My dream is to get fit, train right and be competitive in masters races. Speaking of....I want to go back to Sarasota in March and win the masters division again(2010) and PR at that distance while doing it.This is a good dream.

Crossroads

Okay I just read Wendy's blog and instead of commenting I decided to write a new post. I have another Graston appointment tomorrow and I think it should be my last. I started down this road at end if last season. I have tried FSM treatment which felt good but did not help with the Achilles pain. I rested, I iced and still no change. I jogged 6 miles a week during Jan and Feb! March came around and Mag 7 season began. Terribly out of shape and still in pain I knew I was not ready to race. But I wanted to. I always want to race. Last year even when there were no Mag 7 races Amanda and I would drive to where there was a race. Columbus, IN, Pigeon Forge, TN. I even drove 18 hours straight through to Sarasota, FL to run my first half!! Loved it but what was I thinking? I even raced more than one race a day. I won two in one day which was a nice ego boost. Okay, I beat that dead horse enough. So season started, I "raced" and it sucked. So I stopped. Then my new idea: Graston. Got convinced to try new doc and after 6-8 sessions I still hurt and I'm not sure if I just have the worst case of tendinitis or if I need to go elsewhere? I am going to decide this after my session tomorrow. My new plan is to get another opinion, get healthy by mid August so I can start getting in some miles. I can do some limited speedwork but I have no endurance and I hurt lots afterward.
Attempted some 400's on track this week and although I enjoyed it, my foot hurt a lot. I had a very depressing day today. I decided not to run, thinking my foot deserved a break. So lots of time to sit and think about this annoying problem and ask why me? I am sure other runners have had this issue and healed to run again. So let this happen! Meanwhile I have 3 more weeks of my always too quick summer break. Not ready to go back to school yet. This injury affects my mood and thus everything in my life. But maybe the answer will be clear soon. My mind seems so cluttered and confused that I'm not sure of anything right now. oh yeah, I'm at a crossroads(title if this) and I Must move forward, hopefully in the right direction.

The Next Step?

So here I am enough Graston sessions into the summer that I need to get fit again. I still have pain but I can run more comfortably than I have in a long time. I've done some fartlek stuff but I have zero endurance at this point. I keep pushing forward when I will race again...soon it will be July! Maybe that will be an advantage for me since I love the heat. Sure I get hot, but I don't mind running in it at all. I actually look forward to it. A repressed memory just surfaced: In high school when other runners were drinking water and stretching out in the shade, I had my shirt off and trying to get some sun. It probably slowed me down but I still loved it. Speaking of the heat and sun, I have figured out that a big part of why this Achilles injury has taken so long to heal is because of nutrition! Anyone who knows me knows that I have acid reflux and as a result I have a sore throat much of the time. Long, boring story short, I don't eat lots of meat or any food that is difficult to swallow. I do eat eggs and peanut butter but now I have added two protein shakes a day. I already feel stronger and I hope this will speed the healing of my tendon issues. I'm also doing more eccentric exercises for my Achilles on the stairs. Down to one Graston session a week but it is time to get serious about running. Not sure I will be 100% soon but if I can race again this year I will be happy be 90%. I have been doing most of my runs on Clear Creek trail. One, it is flat and less aggravating to the Achilles. Two, on the rare 90 degree days that may require a drink of water I can get that there too. I even choke on water while standing still! Explain that to me. Three, I see other runners and that motivates me. So I guess I will keep following the current plan and see what happens next. I miss racing so much and I am not sure I will race well even when I start again. Wish I could be more patient and have less ego.

The Light

Hey guys I know, I know. When I started this blog I enjoyed it. I was running well for an old guy and I was even secretly proud that I was sponsored and represented the Indiana Running Company. Free gear is awesome, especially bright yellow singlets. More than I could have hoped after my third year back from my quarter century of not running. At the time the weather was great, the sun actually shined for more than one day in a row and I held my own in workouts with the young guys. I knew I wasn't an elite athlete but I have always wondered if I could be a master's elite or close? Life was not perfect, but good, and running was my escape and the one thing I might actually be good at. Blogging presented a challenge for me. I am tech challenged but with the help of Scott B. I got this thing going. I enjoy rambling. That seems to be my style and in some weird way my thoughts are all connected. In person I have always been shy and a bit aloof until I get to know others and feel more at ease. As my luck would have it the guys I run with are all younger and splitting atoms in their free time I think. As awkward as that sounds I enjoy their company and training with them last year made me better. I miss Nick's though. However the young guy training coupled with my love for racing EVERY weekend resulted in all my aches and of course my Mammoth Tendonitis. Lessons learned.

Here it is  almost June and my fitness is lacking. My race times are horrible and I have honestly had 1 good workout this year and that was over a month ago. I am not focusing on Mag 7 points this year. Don't get me wrong, I want to. I mean 3 years in a row Mag 7 champ would be awesome. But I can't do the training I need to to be top 3 in most races and age group winner is not enough for me. Also some new competition showed up this year, which is great but now I need to work harder. I started Graston yesterday for my achilles and lower leg issues. It did hurt REALLY bad. I did have tears and I was sweating so bad I was embarrassed. Tim R if you read this please don't remind me that this is what you recommended at end of last year. I hope this treatment will get me back to myself again soon. When I run now it always hurts, never feels comfortable and it feels like I am running in someone else body. I remember on some days last year where it felt like I was floating when I ran fast and I miss that a lot. I didn't feel that way everyday but enough that I knew I could be fast and maybe even faster. One particular day we were running back to the stadium and I felt so incredible. I was running 5:20-5:25 pace, slight wind behind and I think I could have ran even faster that day. If I could feel that way more often I think my goals of sub 17 for most 5k's, 35 for 10k and sub 1:18 for a half could happen! Right now what I desperately need is to be able to see some progress, to see The Light at the end of the tunnel. The doubts have taken over, yet I feel like I am the same runner I was and hope to be again. Hang with me guys and I will get back as soon as I can.

I'm Still Here

Okay I know I have neglected this blog for quite some time. My only excuse is that after the Mag 7 season ended I have tried to rest my achilles. I have never had an injury so for the entire last season I just kept running with the pain every day. Some good, some bad. I tried icing it, tried ibuprofen. But apparently trying to run through the injury wasn't such a good idea. So for the past 3 months I have been running very little and doing no cross training. Weights suck, I can't swim and I have no access to a gym. I have been getting treatment for the Tendonitis and I think I am slowly getting better. I am running more too but I feel like I am starting over. I've had 3 good days in the past 3 weeks. I hope to have more good than bad soon. I hate that I cannot do any track workouts right now but I guess I should try to be more patient. March is fast approaching and another road race season with it. I am guessing unlike last spring I will not be ready.My ego has taken quite a bruising lately. Trying to stay positive and keep looking ahead. The two new pair of shoes helped.