Tuesday, January 3, 2017

New Year, New Perspective Maybe?

     Read some of my past posts tonight. I wonder if  I am the only one who may find them funny. It is amazing how many years have past since I started running again. Lots of things have changed and some things have not since my last post. I am not sure how I feel anymore about running. I mean I love running but this is year 6 of not being 100% healthy! Takes a while to work through the stages of grief I guess and I bounce back and forth some too. I have learned a lot and still continue to do so. I can honestly say that being misdiagnosed and mistreated has not helped and I think has most definitely hindered and prevented my progress. I am angry about that of course but what good does that do me?
     I think my last post mentioned surgery but after numerous Ultrasounds and an MRI and considering the possible outcomes, I have not had surgery. Instead I chose to take 6 months off last year, stretch more and do weighted eccentrics to strengthen and rebuild my tendon. I do think the tendon is getting "better." It will never be the same and will never be 100%. But I have since learned that many times those who have Insertional Achilles issues also have other problems such as Achilles Bursitis. This bursitis causes swelling on my heel which then causes pain. This means it is very challenging to string together very many quality runs before I have to take time off to rest the foot. This three steps forward, two steps back is very frustrating but unless I want to risk surgery or quit, it is the best I have. I also have learned that cutting the hard plastic heel counter out of my shoes helps.
     I decided last Fall when I started to run again that I wanted a coach. Keith Brantly lives here in St. Augustine! You may remember him from the 1996 US Olympic marathon team in Atlanta. Keith is a super nice guy and has been planning my weekly running for several months now. Since that time, I have ran my fastest 5k and 10k in 5 years! I am looking forward to better and better things this year. I hope to run Gate River 15k in March in Jacksonville. My addition of long runs have helped me tremendously to build some endurance, which was always my weakness even when I ran well. As long as the foot holds up and I can start doing some faster tempo and speedwork, I think racing this year will be the best in a very long time.
     Having said that, I do not know how fast I can run with this wacky foot of mine but I feel like I am getting there and even my easy days don't feel like I am in slow motion anymore. By the way, we love St. Augustine. No regrets. My job at Clay High School as a Counselor is awesome. Love the beach, the history, everything. Amanda plays with snakes and alligators and takes photos all day. Crazy stuff but she is very good at it. I do miss Bloomington and friends but as always we hope to convince more people to visit. You would love it here I promise. Well, sorry I haven't posted in a while. As I have said before it is hard to feel motivated since running has been a love/hate thing for so long. If you want to follow my running you can on Strava.


Monday, October 5, 2015

The Moment of Truth

Now is the moment for a clear head and an eye toward what could possibly be. I hope for the best even though I am honestly scared and uncertain as to what to do next.
Five years people! Five years of wondering if I will ever be able to what I love, what used to seem so natural, so simple. This whole experience has been very unsettling, disappointing and emotionally exhausting.
At first I tried to stay positive. I did the usual bullshit stuff x 1000. I took time off, ice, heat, massage, foam roll, stretch, frequency specific microcurrent, Graston, hip realignment exercises for 13 weeks which included walking, heel lifts in my shoes, night splint, nitroglycerin patches, a billion eccentric heel raises and EPAT. All of these were greeted with new enthusiasm but all I got was bruised, out of shape, bank account in serious condition and maybe a stronger right Achilles?
I have read thousands of articles and research papers. I can tell you the medical terminology and possible causes of many types of Achilles issues. But I am still injured.
After all, I did take 25 years off from running folks. That is a long period of rest and recovery. The legs still feel fast and were it not for about two square inches on my heel, I am ready to be competitive again. I have do delusion about my age. I do not think about it or use it as an excuse in any way. I do not ever want to set limits on myself and I never have. I think that is part of why I was able to run well in my late 40's.
Lots of casual observers, some runners, some not, have told me, that for a guy who is 52 I should be happy. Happy?! I am nowhere near happy. Yes, I am fortunate in lots of ways but running is very important part of my life. I keep picturing several magical runs: B-town with Zac, Oscar, Scott, Ted and the gang. Out and back through stadium parking lot, wind at our backs, cool and crisp evening. I felt awesome. I picked up the pace, 5:15ish through the lot and the guys got pissed a little. The truth though is someone in the group always did this on an "easy" run. I felt like I was floating and my feet were not even touching the pavement enough for me to notice. So easy, so fast, so perfect. And then there was a race. December in Brown County State Park. An 8k and I ran a 27:11. Same pace as most of my good 5k's. Never could I repeat it and I don't care. It was sweet and helped me  see that I could race the younger guys.
So now I have taken the next step, after all the years of wondering and trying and trying. I had a new Ultrasound at St Vincent Sports last week. As I suspected I have extra bone growth, heel spurs and more which is what has been causing the pain. For 5 years now I have felt like I have been pushing off with one foot while dragging the other at 50%. Surgery is the best option. I have mixed emotions with this news. I am excited that I might get well and run pain-free again. I am also afraid that if this is botched, then I will never run again. I can't go to Sweden for the tendon guru. Surgeon in Palo Alto is great and Dr. Porter in Indy has done many of these and would a good choice. The logistics and money involved may not allow this however so I am struggling with this decision. There are fellowship trained foot and ankle surgeons even in north Florida. This has to be done perfectly and I have until end of the month to let Dr. Porter know I want to schedule for December. 
This is a tough one with no room for mistakes. I can run now but if this works I can relive that feeling I miss and long for again.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

New and improved?

Well here is my usual new year blog post. I decided when I got injured that blogging while injured seemed wrong for some reason. I have found out that when a runner is injured the only people who want to hear about it are other injured runners! I miss racing, and I really miss others wanting to talk to me about my racing. These past few years have been lonely. Not meeting anyone for training runs, not getting up early to drive to races on the weekends. Post race talk about the next race and how we can do better, be faster, etc. I love runners and I will always count myself as a runner one way or the other. If anyone reads this wants to hear about my exploits in my new city find me on Facebook or Twitter. Otherwise wait another year and read this blog.
Okay that being said, here is my injury update: my Achilles tendon is actually better! Feels strong and not sore to the touch anymore. Good news and about time wouldn't you say? But...I still have swelling on my heel area, maybe still related to Achilles injury or maybe bursitis? Either way, not running much which is ironic since the tendon is better now. UGH! I think after many different treatments I have concluded that the cause needs to be corrected. This means I need to work on strength and flexibility. I am sure my hips are weak, maybe glutes too. I wish I had a coach here to MAKE me to this every day. After 3 years of battling this injury I have lost most of my determination. I want to race again, focus on 15k and longer. I still feel fast but running a ridiculous number of 5ks was my undoing.
We moved to St. Augustine in June and love it here. Weather better of course, by the ocean, great history and architecture. There seems to be lots of runners too. I have yet to join the local running club but plan to as soon as I can join them for weekly outings. Amanda works at the Alligator Farm. She loves it and is very good at it too. I am working part time at the YMCA. Still looking for a counselor job but we shall see. We live about 2 blocks from the beach and across the street from the Y. For someone who is a bit afraid of the water(non-swimmer), I love the beach, the bay, the boats. Still getting adjusted and that may take a few more months nut I know we will look back on this and be glad.
I hope some of our friends will come visit us. Bloomington was great and we had some great friends that we miss. Stay at the beach, see the sights for free(perk of Amanda's job), great food and no snow. I hope, as always, that by this time next year I can blog about racing and my big comeback. I have some 50+ age group records to break!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Another year

Here we are. Another year begins. Looking forward and back again. My last post was January1 2012!! Not much to say I guess this past year. Crazy lots of snow so far and I have ran in it a few times. Terribly unfit and I have gained about 15 pounds. Running only 2-3 times each week in an effort to rest but not lose touch with the sport I love. Mid year I started seeing Dr. Kary at St. Vincents Sports in Indy. He seems to know what he is doing but this Achilles injury is taking it's sweet time to heal. The new regimen which may work eventually: eccentric heel raises on flat ground and nitroglycerin patches on Achilles at night. Everything else may or may not have been a waste of time. I am sure the 2 years of not training or racing fast has helped too. My Achilles has been feeling stronger lately after doing the heel raises but I still get the swelling which I cannot explain. I will be 50 soon and I have hopes that  this is the year that I'll get healthy and start training for PRs in the 15k and over distances. Those 60 plus 5k races in 2 years was my undoing. I want this year to be the year I train smarter and not harder.
I have been on break from work for a while now and can really get used to this. Sleeping in, eating lunch every day with Amanda and staying up too late. Still planning to move to St. Augustine as soon as I figure out how to pay the rent. Looking forward to spending the summer there either way. Love that city, warm weather, the beach, the history. I have only had two jobs in the past 28 years so i am quite rusty with this job search thing. Just spent some family time with my sons and two of them are on their way back to St. Aug as i type this. I am so jealous! Well wish me luck, hope to be racing soon and living with Amanda in the warm weather.


Sunday, January 1, 2012

An exciting start

Day 1 of a new year and lots on my mind. The last 2 weeks have been very exciting for me. Vacation from work has been most needed. New office at work but ready to do something different I think. More on that in the future I hope. Amanda and I got married Dec. 22! Reception was great. Great friends to celebrate with. Love Oliver Moscato wine too. Looking forward to spring break honeymoon and hopefully racing in Sarasota. The Achilles has been good most days, I have ran some good workouts lately. Still out of shape but soon that will change. Achilles sore today??? Maybe too much "dancing" last night.
New year usually means time to reflect and make plans. My mind has been racing with thoughts of running plans, thoughts of moving to St. Augustine in near future. This of course means retiring early from my school job. Life is too short to worry daily, stress too much and feel such disrespect. I am worth better. I am picturing the sun and sand and a healed Achilles along with Amanda and I sitting on our front porch enjoying 80 degree weather and a quiet, relaxing life together. We even looked at houses online today! Way ahead of ourselves but I want this momentum to continue. Wouldn't this house be perfect?



I hope this year brings me a healthy and fit body. I want to try some longer races. 5k's are fun but racing them every weekend has caused this soon to be 49 year old body too many aches and pains. Pains that don't want to go away! I would love to enjoy my job more but I have serious doubts that is likely. This year will be a year to get many things in order and in their proper perspective. I REALLY want this to happen. My mental, physical and spiritual health depend on it.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Dare to Dream

Okay folks here it is October and as I look back through my running log and Facebook posts I realize that either I'm full of shit or maybe this injury is more stubborn than I ever could imagine. I have had some good days, some brief moments of speed and exhilaration. Moments when I have found myself wondering if the bad days were all behind me and the best was yet to be. I had a crazy dream that after 25 years of not running and then 2 years of some decent times, that I could be competitive in the half marathon in the masters group. This roller coaster ride has been emotionally exhausting and I now do not know what to think of my dream anymore. You don't know how often I have heard the crap about my age and how "we all get slower." I am not ready to concede, to start allowing my age to debilitate me without a fight. I know I'll never run a 15 minute 5k but I do still feel the speed in my legs and want to set PR's even if I am 50!
I didn't race much early on this season because I knew I was not ready. Now that I have done a few I can be honest it is not easy not winning some Mag 7 races. My friend Tim is running awesomely this year and I am so happy for him. He deserves it. And wow where did Oscar come from? How has he gotten so fast? I can't wait until I get married so my 5k times will get faster too. I haven't decided if going to races is more difficult or watching others race? This has been a long year. Still not much progress with the injury. I am second guessing everything of course and only time will tell if any of this has helped. I wish I could fast forward to next summer and see if I am healthy. If only I had a sign that I WILL be fit again. Some hope for the hopeless is what I need right now. Do I dare to dream that I can run again without pain, have fun and be faster? I don't like the other option of giving up, not running and buying golf clubs. Running is the one thing I'm good at, one thing I have a natural talent for, one thing has brought me joy and helped guide me through some rough patches. The thought of not having it at my becon call to use as I see fit scares me. I can tell you running brought me out of despair and gave me the confidence and discipline to think I could achieve anything I worked hard at. Running transformed my life and come what may will always be a significant part of me.
Whew! I feel so much better. Thanks for your patience. In summary: Achilles still hurts damn it and I know this road season has been a huge waste. I am looking to next year but feel I need yet another new plan (is this plan #9?). I want to log some miles this winter. Nothing too fast. Took last winter off and that rest did nothing to heal the Achilles. If(big if) foot problems get better would love to do Sarasota half again. We shall see. Anyone have any great ideas? I'm ready to get better.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

What have I learned and other random thoughts

First let me say I ran 3 x 1/2 yesterday at Clear Creek. Maybe it was the cool temps, maybe it was the wind at my back, maybe it was that one run out of 20 that was great and I was due... but I ran each 1/2 at faster pace: 5:07 mile pace, 5:00 mile pace and ending the last 1/2 at 4:54 mile pace. Each felt easier and as usual when I run fast the heel or achilles did not hurt. I should cut out all easy runs and only run 2 fast workouts and one long run each week. Maybe this is the magic formula so that I can start racing again with this chronic tendonosis? Don't get me wrong Jeff my PT is still doing Graston and I SEE some progress, not sure I'm feelin the progress. It is September and the great races are beginning starting with B-foods this weekend. I can show up, run and go home with my head hung but why? "Age group winner" is not what I want or I would have been racing all year for 5 points a pop. I still feel fast and I am no where near allowing age to be an issue or excuse. Yes there are things that age does bring: longer recovery times, the need for more stretching, maybe fewer races, maybe even fewer beers or Five Guys burgers. I really should write more about this age thing and I will later.
So in summary, I ran okay in high school. Too many miles, average times but loved it. One year at BSU on XC team. Hated every moment of it. Again too many miles, always tired, partied too much and homesick. Got married, had child, graduated and quit running. Moved to Indy for job and started shaving my legs. Well bought a bike, watched the Tour de France and then started riding and shaving my legs. Loved it. I wasn't great at it but I could ride a few miles and it was exciting. Had a few nasty crashes that landed me in ER for some stitches (never wore helmet).  8 years and after grad school later moved to B-town and stopped riding. By this time had 3 boys, new job, no money and sat on my ass a lot. Tried to run from time to time, never felt the same so quit easily. Fast forward a few years...got divorced, met Amanda and soon she convinced me to run HOC after running around the block a few times. I was hooked again. Damn her. Started buying shoes (never stopped) and running. Seemed to quickly get fit and race times improved dramatically. I started to think I could be an elite masters runner. This would be so awesome. Last year had good year. Won some races, got top 3 lots, ran couple halves. Won Mag 7 for second year in row. All the while the achilles hurt. I thought it would get well with some winter rest. It did not. Started treatment. Got frustrated, changed doctors, I stretch now, ice all the time. If I could wear an ice boot I think that would simplify things. I get Graston weekly, even got fitted for orthotics that I cannot stand to wear so I don't. They seem so unnatural. Now here it is 4 days before B-foods 5K and I still run with pain, very few fast workouts under my belt, only 3 runs over 8 miles in past 3 months. I want to race and I want to be better. What have I learned?
I'm not sure. Seems as if the older I get the more I have learned that I don't know as much as I thought when I was younger. Or that there is so much to know and everyone has an opinion that isn't much better than my own. Does that make me wiser or dumber? I keep trying to eliminate what isn't working for me but that still has not left me with what does. Maybe this Graston thing will pay off months from now? I wish I could know now and I wish I knew I was on the right track and that there is no more I could be doing. I am now even considering what shoes could I buy to help? More shoes right?  I even attended  running form clinic last weekend lead by a Newton running guy. I did learn from that session that I am not coordinated, my balance is not good and it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks. So tomorrow another Graston session, more stretching, more icing, yada, yada, yada!