Now is the moment for a clear head and an eye toward what could possibly be. I hope for the best even though I am honestly scared and uncertain as to what to do next.
Five years people! Five years of wondering if I will ever be able to what I love, what used to seem so natural, so simple. This whole experience has been very unsettling, disappointing and emotionally exhausting.
At first I tried to stay positive. I did the usual bullshit stuff x 1000. I took time off, ice, heat, massage, foam roll, stretch, frequency specific microcurrent, Graston, hip realignment exercises for 13 weeks which included walking, heel lifts in my shoes, night splint, nitroglycerin patches, a billion eccentric heel raises and EPAT. All of these were greeted with new enthusiasm but all I got was bruised, out of shape, bank account in serious condition and maybe a stronger right Achilles?
I have read thousands of articles and research papers. I can tell you the medical terminology and possible causes of many types of Achilles issues. But I am still injured.
After all, I did take 25 years off from running folks. That is a long period of rest and recovery. The legs still feel fast and were it not for about two square inches on my heel, I am ready to be competitive again. I have do delusion about my age. I do not think about it or use it as an excuse in any way. I do not ever want to set limits on myself and I never have. I think that is part of why I was able to run well in my late 40's.
Lots of casual observers, some runners, some not, have told me, that for a guy who is 52 I should be happy. Happy?! I am nowhere near happy. Yes, I am fortunate in lots of ways but running is very important part of my life. I keep picturing several magical runs: B-town with Zac, Oscar, Scott, Ted and the gang. Out and back through stadium parking lot, wind at our backs, cool and crisp evening. I felt awesome. I picked up the pace, 5:15ish through the lot and the guys got pissed a little. The truth though is someone in the group always did this on an "easy" run. I felt like I was floating and my feet were not even touching the pavement enough for me to notice. So easy, so fast, so perfect. And then there was a race. December in Brown County State Park. An 8k and I ran a 27:11. Same pace as most of my good 5k's. Never could I repeat it and I don't care. It was sweet and helped me see that I could race the younger guys.
So now I have taken the next step, after all the years of wondering and trying and trying. I had a new Ultrasound at St Vincent Sports last week. As I suspected I have extra bone growth, heel spurs and more which is what has been causing the pain. For 5 years now I have felt like I have been pushing off with one foot while dragging the other at 50%. Surgery is the best option. I have mixed emotions with this news. I am excited that I might get well and run pain-free again. I am also afraid that if this is botched, then I will never run again. I can't go to Sweden for the tendon guru. Surgeon in Palo Alto is great and Dr. Porter in Indy has done many of these and would a good choice. The logistics and money involved may not allow this however so I am struggling with this decision. There are fellowship trained foot and ankle surgeons even in north Florida. This has to be done perfectly and I have until end of the month to let Dr. Porter know I want to schedule for December.
This is a tough one with no room for mistakes. I can run now but if this works I can relive that feeling I miss and long for again.
